The Republican National Committee defeated the Democratic National Committee 8-7 in their annual softball matchup Wednesday night, an evening of shouting and jeering so obnoxious and partisan that it possibly damaged the very fabric of the republic.
The hate-fest at the Watkins field on Capitol Hill was marked by cheers both expected ("Four more years" from the DNC stands) and never before heard at a sporting event ("Reduce the deficit" from the RNC). One tactful RNC fans responded to a DNC cheer of "Si, se puede" by shouting, "Oh, they're going after the Hispanic vote."
Things devolved further. At one point someone yelled, "At least we shower." One uncreative individual simply screamed, "You suck."
The presence of RNC Chairman Reince Priebus did nothing to encourage dignity among the participants. "We look at this as a test of the ground operation here," he told Yeas & Nays. "We take it pretty seriously."
No sooner had he spoken that Deepak Ramnath, RNC director of targeting, pushed the DNC first baseman to the ground while being thrown out at first. The crowd gasped. "We need to win," Priebus said. "Winning is important."
Perhaps the one bright moment in the stands came when a bespectacled RNC fan, channeling the tradition of donning an upside down hat to turn one's team's luck around, flipped his glasses upside down and cried "Rally glasses!"
Few individuals outside of the RNC and DNC were subjected to this mockery of an athletic event. One neighborhood woman, drawn into the field by the cheers, asked Yeas & Nays who the teams were. Upon hearing it was the two national political committees, she promptly left the field.