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Opinion: Columnists

Gregory Kane: Carrey got ugly when he dropped the mask of civility

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Photo - HOLLYWOOD, CA - MARCH 11:  Actor Jim Carrey attends the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures' "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" at TCL Chinese Theatre on March 11, 2013 in Hollywood, California.  (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - MARCH 11: Actor Jim Carrey attends the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures' "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" at TCL Chinese Theatre on March 11, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
Opinion,Gregory Kane,Columnists

Count me among those very few conservatives who are not -- repeat, not -- angry with "comedian" and actor Jim Carrey.

I put the word "comedian" in quotes for a reason. It's in the interests of full disclosure. You might want to take what follows with a grain of salt, because Carrey is one "comedian" I've never, never, never found funny.

He got his television start, if I recall correctly, playing several characters in the ensemble cast of a 1980s comedy show called "In Living Color."

He wasn't funny in that show; he hasn't been funny in any of the movies he's done since "In Living Color," and he sure as heck isn't funny now.

That assessment includes Carrey's latest effort to tickle the funny bone, a video called "Cold Dead Hand" that takes dead aim at those Americans who take their Second Amendment rights seriously.

I guess Carrey the Unfunny thought he was being quite the satirist, but I've got some sad news for him: Jim, me boy, Mark Twain you ain't.

But "Cold Dead Hand" being unfunny isn't Carrey's only offense. If he had any valid points to make about the need for more gun control laws in the United States, he sure as heck didn't make them with this video.

What was the thrust of Carrey's argument? That men who choose to own firearms have small male members.

"It takes a cold dead hand to decide to pull the trigger," Carrey sings. "It takes a cold, dead heart, and as near as I can figure, with your cold, dead aim you're trying to prove your **** is bigger, but we know your chariot may not be swinging low."

Doubled over with guffaws yet? There's more.

"You're a big, big man, with a little bitty gland, so you need something bigger with a hairpin trigger. You don't wanna get caught with your trousers down when the psycho killer comes around. So you make your home like a thunderdome, and you're always packing everywhere you roam."

I'll stop there with quotes from the song. There are Eighth Amendment issues involved here, and I'll be darned if I'm going to be accused of subjecting anyone to cruel and unusual punishment.

Once Carrey started taking heat for what might be the most pathetic attempt at satire in American history, he responded with downright nastiness.

"I'll just say this: In my opinion Fox News is a last resort for kinda-sorta-journalists whose options have been severely limited by their extreme and intolerant views, a media colostomy bag that has begun to burst at the seams and should be emptied before it becomes a public health issue."

Oh, and Carrey didn't write the word "Fox" in "Fox News." Still fancying himself the ever-clever satirist, he substituted the letter "u" for the letter "o" in Fox.

We've been down this road quite a few times in the past two years, haven't we? And we all know what Carrey has given us, don't we?

Why another nice, healthy dose of liberal civility, of course. That's why I'm not angry with Carrey. There exist among liberals a distinctly uncivil, intolerant bent, and I absolutely love it when they put that side of themselves on display for the entire world to see.

That's why I'm not angry with Rev. Luis Leon of St. John's Church in D.C., either. I love it when intolerant liberals show their intolerant side, when the uncivil ones show their uncivil side, and the race-baiting ones show their race-baiting sides.

Leon went above and beyond the call of duty Easter Sunday, when he accused the "captains of the religious right" of wanting black Americans relegated to the back of the bus again.

Fine work, Mssrs. Carrey and Leon. May the two of you continue in your mission to make the job of conservatives in this country that much easier. And you already know how to do that.

Just keep talking.

Examiner Columnist Gregory Kane is a Pulitzer nominated news and opinion journalist who has covered people and politics from Baltimore to the Sudan.

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