Opinion: Op-Eds

He's back! Nixon's the one, again, in 2016

|
Op-Eds,President,CIA,IRS,Richard Nixon,Analysis

Typically, when I hear from the dead, I don't talk or write about it since most people would think I am crazy.

But something very interesting happened last night and I think everybody should know about it. I was visited by Richard Milhous Nixon. Despite his age, the rumors of his demise and, of course, his spectacular exit from politics, I must say, he looked pretty good.

"I'm gonna run again," he said, as soon as he appeared out of the shadows.

Don't be ridiculous," I retorted, "you wouldn't stand a chance."

"Hahaha," he laughed, "Don't you see, it's all different now, I could find out who Deep Throat was in a matter of days, or weeks, with today's technology. Bingo, one little call to the NSA, a few pages of metadata from those pesky Woodward and Bernstein boys and presto, no scandal, no trouble."

"OK, Tricky Dick, you got me there, but Mr. President," I replied, "how about your use of the IRS coupled with an enemies list to suppress your political competition..."

I didn't even finish the sentence before he just looked at me and laughed again. He had a point.

"Look, the country has problems with China, believe you me, I got that." He bragged, "Economic troubles? Look, I invented price controls. To be honest, I was a little ahead of my time, but that can be just as bad as being behind, you know," he said, winking as he made his way out the back door.

"You can go out the front door," I said politely.

"No, not yet," he called back to me from the darkness.

"I don't want them to know I'm back and looking at 2016, that's why I had to come see you, I can't use the phone."

Karl Spain is the former publisher of the Journal Newspapers.

View article comments Leave a comment