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Meanwhile, in Florida: The Nightmare Factory Thrives, Even in This Economy

OneMinuteNews.com
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August 09, 2012 AT 9:00 AM
IT'S A CRYSTAL CLEAR AUGUST MORNING, AND ALL ACROSS AMERICA, CHILDREN ARE SENDING BRIGHTLY COLORED KITES SOARING INTO THE WARM SUMMER SKY WITH A GENEROUS, EVERLASTING SMILE. MEANWHILE, IN FLORIDA. HE LOOKS LIKE JUST THE MAN TO QUICKLY APPREHEND MANDY RAMSEY'S FELONIOUS BOOBS! THE EXCITABLE MISS RAMSEY LED POLICE ON A RACCOUS HIGH-SPEED CHASE THROUGH FORT McCOY, WHICH ENDED IN THE DRIVEWAY OF HER BOYFRIENDS HOUSE. WHEN SHE WAS FINALLY SUBDUED, SHE EXPLAINED TO THE COPS THAT SHE COULDN'T PULL OVER AS INSTRUCTED, BECAUSE SHE HAD BEEN DRIVING TOPLESS, ON HER WAY TO SURPRISE HER SWEET, SWEET HUGGY BEAR. WOW, WITH A WOMAN LIKE THAT, WHO NEEDS TENNIS BALLS?? CHARLIE SNOWDEN. CHARLIE SNOWDEN NEEDS TENNIS BALLS. MR. SNOWDEN WAS PICKED UP IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S HOME, WEARING NOTHING BUT A PAIR OF RIPPED UP BOXER SHORTS. WHEN ASKED WHY HE HAD BROKEN IN, HE EXPLINED THAT HE WAS JUST TRYING TO SCROUNGE UP SOME TENNIS BALLS. AMANDA LYNN LOZIER GOT INTO A BIT OF A TUSSLE WITH HER FATHER OVER A PACK OF CIGARETTES, AND ENDED UP KNOCKING OUT A FEW OF HIS REMAINING TEETH WITH A STURDY CAN OF PRINGLES. NEXT TIME, SHE SHOULD POUR THE PRINGLES IN A TUBE SOCK. THAT DOESN'T LEAVE A MARK.