Hey there, do you hate the cruel capitalist system that is destroying America and need someplace to store that trust fund money from mommy and daddy that enables you to protest the system instead of getting a real job?
Well, you are in luck. The Occupy Money Cooperative, a group established in the early days of the original Occupy Wall Street protest in Zuccotti Park, is now offering a prepaid debit card to members. Motto: "take part in the revolution that will make banking fair, transparent and affordable."
With this card, you'll know that your money will be used for progressive ends because our board of directors you've never heard of before say so. Just know that they provide high quality financial services to the 99%. Live like the plutocrats that disgust you so much!
There are, however, some charges associated with the card. We do require monthly fees -- but they are low! There is also a modest fee associated with purchasing the card. Sorry, but there is no way around that -- it costs money to print and issue a card.
We are afraid there are also monthly charges for cash withdrawals. They'll be swipe fees at some places like 7-Elevens too. Again, we're sorry, but we couldn't find a away around that either.
We're going to have to charge if you need to talk to customer service too. Oh, and looking at your balance on an ATM is going to cost you, too.
There are going to have to be some charges for incidentals too, like replacing lost cards, changing your PIN number or getting declined from an ATM. We're also going to have to charge you if you want to close out the account.
Oh, and, well, we may need to, umm, update these charges at some point in the future.
Again, we are sorry, but it turns out this financial stuff can be really complicated. If we are going to make this work, we have to ensure that these numbers add up and adjust the charges if they don't. Don't worry, though: We'll let you know if that happens.
Thank you in advance! Now let's bring those capitalists to their knees!
The people united will never be defeated!