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The White House today attempted to quell alarm over two interlopers who somehow breached security to attend a state dinner for the prime minister of India this week.
Although Tareq and Michaele Salahi were not on the initial guest list, said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs, "They do appear on the retro guest list, thus negating any national security threat."
The retro guest list, the White House spokesman explained, is prepared after the event to reconcile guest projections with actual results.
Tareq Salahi wore a black tuxedo, which grants him an automatic "Level 3 clearance", said Gibbs. His wife, a slim, blonde woman, wore a red and gold sari and may have been "mistaken for a Bollywood star."
Gibbs noted that Michaela Salahi "gave every appearance of being a celebrity" and so slipped the Secret Service cordon, under "the standard Obama administration protocol for dealing with famous people, actors, singers, models and such."
"While at first they were not actual celebrities, raising some legitimate concerns," Gibbs said, "the fact that they crashed the party and then posted photos to Facebook, elevated them to celebrity status instantly, and thus made them welcome at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue any time."
On the Salahi Facebook page, Vice President Joe Biden is seen smiling in the midst of the happy couple, with his arm about Mrs. Salahi's waist -- a position that at least one security expert claims could have "exposed him to a to a variety of physical threats ranging from debilitating tickling, to a crippling wedgie."
Gibbs refuted the claim, insisting "the vice president was never in danger, and in fact he was only made aware of his own attendance at the dinner the next day. In any case, replacing him is a simple matter of a presidential appointment, and would not have disrupted the business of the executive office in the least."
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world's leading family-friendly news satire source.