Opinion: Columnists

Seven things American TV can do without, right now

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Movies,Gregory Kane,Columnists,Analysis,Television

Spending nine consecutive days in a hospital bed probably does nothing good for the psyche. Much of that time I’ve spent watching TV, especially football.

And with so much time on my hands, I’ve come up with a list of people or things that need to be off any TV I happen to be watching. And I’m talking sooner, not later.

Steve Harvey and his teeth of doom: Don’t get me wrong. Harvey’s a darned fine comedian. But he’s a little bit too ubiquitous for my taste.

The guy has a TV comedy show. And he’s host of a TV game show. He has a radio show, writes books and his movie “Think Like A Man” can’t be avoided on cable or satellite TV.

In short, there’s way too much Harvey. Especially those gargantuan teeth of his. This guy’s teeth are so large I have nightmares that they’re out to get me.

Flo from the Progressive insurance commercials, in particular. Yes, Flo is perky and entertaining. Yes, the commercials are clever. But enough already. Honchos at Progressive need to heed the adage that sometimes there can be too much of even a good thing.

Progressive insurance commercials in general. We’re talking overkill here, people. Besides, smart consumers know that Progressive probably passes on the costs of all those TV commercials to their customers. How much are Progressive customers really saving? And how much could they save if Progressive ratcheted down the commercials?

That AT&T guy and those annoying kids. You know the commercial I’m talking about. The one with the dweeb that asks a bunch of kids, “What’s better than such-and-such?”

I’m convinced that the muckety-mucks at AT&T think these commercials are oh-so-cute, but I’ve got news for them.

In evaluating anything, I get to determine what’s cute. And, long ago, I decided that cute was confined to these: Kittens. Puppies. My grandkids. Very little else.

Any GEICO commercial. And yes, I am including the lizard.

That “computer ICU” guy.

Any and all movies that feature zombies, flesh eating and otherwise. Why has the horror-science fiction genre been reduced to a steady stream of movies featuring flesh-eating zombies?

On my DIRECTV there are at least two channels – Sci Fi and Chiller – that run horror/sci-fi movies. In any given week, there are guaranteed to be at least two, usually more, movies that feature flesh-eating zombies.

What, exactly, is the fascination Americans have with zombies? My first inclination is to note that, for the most part, many of us are.

I’m talking specifically about the electorate, which, in two separate elections, sent a man to the Oval Office who clearly wasn’t qualified to be there.

Yes, I would be talking about You Know Who, President Barack Hussein Obama. I’ve written it once, and I’ll write it again. A thinking electorate doesn’t send Obama to the White House.

Then again, a thinking electorate would never have made Michael Bloomberg, America’s number one enemy of liberty, mayor of New York, either. A zombie electorate would do both. But I digress.

What’s so bad about the proliferation of flesh-eating zombie movies? Nary a one is superior to “Night of the Living Dead,” George Romero’s 1968 granddaddy of all flesh-eating zombie movies.

Romero’s film had certain things going for it. The movie was original; nothing like it appeared before 1968. It was genuinely terrifying – if somewhat disgusting in parts – with an ending that was downright disturbing.

Few, if any, of the current crop of flesh-eating zombie flicks are in the class of “Night of the Living Dead.” Our airwaves will be kinder, gentler places without them.

GREGORY KANE, a Washington Examiner columnist, is a Pulitzer Prize-nominated news and opinion journalist who has covered people and politics from Baltimore to the Sudan.
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