So much stupid
A Florida man was arrested after police said he tried to deposit a stolen check into a bank's ATM, then shot at the building when the machine wouldn't accept the forged check.
Shahid Mohammed Kalam, 22, allegedly deposited a $1,000 forged check at an automated-teller machine, then attempted to withdraw cash.
The ATM refused to dole out the cash and instead took the card, police said.
Kalam backed his vehicle to the building, tied a seat belt to the ATM and attempted to rip it from the wall, police said.
That didn't work, so he shot through the bank's front door with a stolen .25-caliber handgun, police said.
Kalam was identified through ATM surveillance video and was arrested when he returned to bank for unrelated business.
Horton hears a what?
A man was charged with his seventh DUI after he said he swerved his vehicle to avoid what turned out to be an imaginary elephant in the road, Delaware police said.
Samuel Phipps, 31, of Delaware, veered off the road and crashed his Land Rover into a guardrail. Phipps was found near the crash and told a trooper that he swerved "to avoid an elephant he observed running in the path of his vehicle."
The troopers found no sign of an elephant and arrested Phipps.
He acknowledged that he had smoked marijuana dipped in PCP before getting behind the wheel.
An exotic dancer who makes house calls reported a theft after a customer refused to answer the door when she arrived.
Police Capt. Mike Schwartz told the Portsmouth Herald that a crime had not occurred.
"She never danced, so I would be hard-pressed to say it was theft of services," Schwartz said. "Now if she was a professional doorbell ringer ..."
Schwartz also speculated that the customer took one look at the dancer and decided to take a pass on her services.
"Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz," he said. "I wouldn't answer the door either."