1. Gilbert Arenas makes his grand return to Verizon Center on Feb. 4. He hits five 3-pointers and celebrates each by screaming "Pick one," which the Wizards clearly did. Afterward, he leaves a new present for Andray Blatche. JaVale McGee laughs. The Magic still don't make it out of the conference semifinals.
2. Duke wins its second consecutive NCAA title by beating, well, it doesn't matter. Assistant coach Steve Wojciechowski slaps the floor in celebration, leaving coach Mike Krzyzewski nasal and a bit verklempt.
3. Mike Leach replaces Ralph Friedgen as Maryland's coach. He then insists on the media calling him Blackbeard and announces he's keeping Don Brown as his first mate. When someone points out he's not actually a pirate, he claims everyone's a liar and storms away mumbling about doubloons.
4. The Redskins have a quarterback. They don't finish with a losing record but only because there is no season.
5. The Heat win the NBA title, and LeBron James announces he's taking his talents to Hollywood during the NBA lockout. He takes the lead role in "The Tooth Fairy 2," in which he parades around as the creepy Snickers lady and steals money from beneath children's pillows all over Cleveland. It makes $4 million in Miami and $3,421 elsewhere.
6. Stephen Strasburg decides rehabbing from Tommy John surgery is hard. He announces he will convert to an outfielder, citing new teammate Rick Ankiel as inspiration. The Nationals decide not to play anyone at first base even though they thought anyone would be better than Adam Dunn.